silhouette

i was sitting, lonely,
at a table surrounded by friends
when my eyes stumbled upon
your silhoutted shape
surrounded by neon lights and
people already half gone.
to my feet was i and walking
through pools of people
and when close i caught
the scent from the nape
of your neck
how sweet like daisies
bending in the wind
i gave it not a single thought
and took your hand.

Knotted fingers.

morning sun rises
and the light wakes in
me something unknown

cartwheels in my stomach
no thoughts in my head
you're not there

knotted fingers in
winter have seemingly
gone abroad

Only far off shores
knows the serenity
of your presence.

History.

We watched history burning
In the night sky
As clouds of breath
were scattered from our mouths

And as we were learning
I caught your eye
That fateful death
has bound us up until now.

cognitive.

i like you under me, it seems
that is where you belong and only
in my wildest dreams do you
never get up and leave me
but bliss is sleep and
wandering cognitive activities

often

So i don't really update this thing too often; mainly its just a way to get shit off my chest or i just get mega bored (like right now) and decide that typing my thoughts is a good way to pass time. I go back to uni soon though so i reckon i will update it more with things that are going on, maybe use it as a notebook if i have ideas about my course or just ideas in general about this great existential quest we are all on when we reach late adolescence, or even all of adolescence.
Im not too happy with the modules on my course this year, theyre totally different to what i wanted to do and what i was hoping to do when i applied to go here but i guess i'll just have to struggle on and actually Try to get something out of it. i dont want it to be 3 years wasted when i doubt i'll ever get another opportunity and i need to get through so i can carry on in pursuit of what i want to do with my life.
i'm rambling for no reason now, it's 20 to 11 in the morning and i'm bored as hell, i should be out living life but it seems that a lot of people are just a disappointment and its hard with no job so i try to vent my energy sitting on the internet.
Been trying to start new creative pieces recently; stories and the like but it just seems everything i try to write is similar and i dont want to do that; i'm sick of the guy meets girl thing that always creeps into what i write, i could do with some new inspiration but it is hard finding it on the wirral.

now cold days draw closer.

winter days at newbo beach
cold hands and flustered cheeks
tomorrow won't come and
today only matters

seagulls shit and it lands by our feet
Our hips collide as we walk down the street
the chips fall hot down our throat
these are the Memories that come but (hopefully) never go.

Wandering/Wondering.

I've been wandering around my mind recently, wondering exactly what i want to do and where i want to be in my future. Does anybody ever really know? I think it's so hard to make definitive choices concerning your future and your life, i don't think i know exactly what i want to do though i have vague ideas.
I know that i will emigrate to the us. This country just drains me, it's not what i thought it was and now i need out.
Manhattan would be the ideal place, i reckon, though i've never been. I think it;s because of woody allens film of the same name. He shows the place in such a great light; it seems to hold in its grasp some mystical objet a that my desire longs for.

I go back to university soon, 2 weeks in fact. It seems like i've been off for so long, and now it;s just dragging and boring. I finished on, i think, the 5th of june, therefore i've had near enough 4 months off. The highlight obviously being my trip to san francisco but other than that it's been tedious and money is running short.
On the wirral there isn't much to do.

Morning.

writing rambling haiku
in a chocolatey bed
listening to the current affairs

not much happening
insulin injections and
opening blinds blank stares.

late evening blues
bedtime beckons and i reckon
tomorrow aint so soon

her morning eyes are droopy yet
as radiant as a hazel sun
i wake to a noumenous sight
so beautiful, and mesmerising
when she's gone there is no rain or sunshine
nothing at all
in the dark her shape is curved and stunning
i blend into it
comforting myself with flesh

Oh, My God.

She's the only God i pray to
Early in the morning, when the sun rises
Through four more times a day
Keeping me safe from sin
I keep my faith and there are no surprises

Antichrist

So i went to see von Triers new film Antichrist on friday with Chris. The reviews and rumous i had heard got me pretty excited and pretty nervous at the same time about it. Hearing that it was booed badly at cannes and that it was essentially just a gorefest didn't make me think lets not see this but made me want to see it more, just like how i want to go to see Colin a new zombie film made for a mere £45 when it comes out in october.
So we arrived at the cinema and there was a disclaimer form placed next to the till to warn viewers that what they were about to see was rated 18 for a reason, and it stated this reasons with an A4 sized page of the different things that occur in the film. How good, i thought, it is going to be and it must be for there to be a disclaiimer form before you see it.
It is the story of a man and wife who lose their child during an act of coitus. It deals with the the trauma and emotions these parents must go through. To recover they retreat to a safe haven called 'eden'. Obviously this is a reference to Christian religion and i feel this is what the film is about. The film is about an Anti-eden, a paradise that is not what the bible described as made by god but rather one which was made and is ruled by satan.

On a brighter note.

The sun does shine.

new post.

Haven't posted on here for a while, I think the only reason I have one is because I like listening to Chris' rants, they entertain me and I can relate because I usually feel the same way. So wha't been on my mind lately?
I go to San Francisco in little under 2 months which will be hella good seeing as I've only ever been abroad once and this time I'm going with the missus. Warped tour while I'm there will be amazing, just listening to some amazing bands on a pier will be one of the best experiences of my life I reckon.
Uni is nearly finished, just got a load of essays to hand in and some exams to do. I hate exams, can't do them for shit, I just babble on whereas essays I can do.
That's about it really apart from that I've watched some really good films recently, namely:
Three Colours: Blue (Krzysztof Kieslowski)
Brazil (Terry Gilliam)
Everyone Says I love you (good ol' Woody Allen)
and some more but those three are the highlights. Blue was one of the best films I've seen for a while, Juliette Binoche plays a stunning role and the art direction etc is beautiful, everything about it is good. Check it out.

too fast.

The night had been long
Your eyes drained and drooping
She went back to your house
Her skin was soft, you lifted her
It made you feel strong
Falling depths to the bed
Her face was gushing red
Hearts pounding, hammering
She attached her lips to yours
Used them as a cigarette
And inhaled an intoxicated
Carbon dioxide
Hints of whisky whisped
In heavy breaths

Take it slow; oh no.
Longing and lust
Her pants peeled off
and you where on the cusp
Soft it was and the
Warmth of God greeted you
With open arms
You hurried into them...
Too fast.

Copy.

When I told you
To leave
You were the hardest
Thing to Do

But when I told you
I love you
You were the easiest
Thing to do.

Edit.

Why do I have a blog? I don't think anybody even reads this, (do they? If they do they must be bored already) and I never keep it up to date with what has been happening in my life like a journal. Right now I'm just in uni, bored as hell, sat in this same seat for about 3 hours at least.
I was supposed to have a half9 lecture but the tutor had "put out" his back or something of the sort, so now i'm just waiting til 4o'clock when I must see a different tutor about and essay to be in monday. Essays suck, bad.
Not really got much else to say, apart from this:
A man and a woman are going to the same destination. They start in exactly the same place but after a few minutes they come ro a fork in the road. Both ways lead to the same destination, taking the same amount of time. How do we decide which way to go?

History.

Degenerates.

Careful with that axe, Eugene.

Religious or Secular ethics?
I do not know, all i know is i must argue for one.

Cleanse.

I wash the ground you walk on
With cleansing tears
From a wishing well
You turned back with muddy shoes
Soiled all my dreams
And put me through hell.